Title:
EpitaphAuthor:
Edward (Me, though the character portrayed here with the same name is not myself.)
Type:
Story, Romance.
POV: First person (Edward).
OCs:
Edward, Katrina.Status:
On-going...My Epitaph
"I'm so sick and tired...
I've got no will to go on, but somehow I keep going.."
Limping through the snow-covered back streets of a great city that I used to rule, I couldn't bare to step any further. It's not like I had someplace to go. So I laid down under one of my final possessions; the blanket too, was soon covered in snow. I figured I would soon be covered under a blanket of white; sleep, then fade into a peaceful death... My only hope was that it would come soon.
As I lie there, I could only wonder how I had gotten so low. I used to have it all; a nice home, a family, servants, the love of my life.. All because of her, I had lost everything I'd had. Then she too.. moved on, I suppose. I wouldn't know, she's far gone by now; whisked away by some nobleman on a ship. I felt just awful, I was no longer a noble myself, since my father knew I was in love with her.. a common woman. Then when trying to marry me off to another noble didn't work, I was sentenced to banishment; for my uselessness alone.
The duke's own son, who would have ruled over this city.. reduced to this. I know why, though.. He hadn't cared for me since I was born. No one had. I caused my mother's death afterall. That, among other things. No one wants to deal with me; I'm no leader...
Like a fool I followed my heart and ended up risking everything for her; then when I finally came back for her, it was too late. Father would never forgive me either. Somehow, some way, no matter what I do, women always seem to make trouble for me.
In my heart it was worth it; but in my mind, I was the one who had lost.
"Katrina.. I hope you're out there somewhere, and you're happy."
I wasn't bitter, I forced myself to accept this. Sure, I felt like a fool lying in the streets.. but by this time I'd gotten used to it. My life was over, as I saw it. I couldn't fend for myself, I was too weak to do any work like a commoner would have been able to; especially at this point.
Nobility, it's useless.. or rather, it can render one so.
Yet.. I was so much happier then;
being taken care of, without a care in the world.
Now.. I'm not prepared to suffer for it.
I couldn't remember how much time had passed, but I was utterly certain it was time to face the music and meet my final end.
Just then, I heard a voice from far away...
It must have been the voice of an angel coming to take me, I thought..
"Ed.. !!-ward..!!"
Such a faint, distant echo... I smiled, keeping my eyes closed.
Maybe I'll finally be at peace now.
Suddenly, I heard footsteps. The shouting grew louder.
"Edward!!!"
My eyes flew open in unison.
"Edward! What are you doing here?! Get up!
That's no place for you to be sleeping, you idiot..!"
That was no angel... I turned my head.
It was Katrina.
"Katrina..?", I murmured, half awake.
I felt groggy and stiff from the cold.
"I said get up!", she squatted and pulled me up by my arm.
The feeling of her strong arms melted the numbness in mine.
Seeing her here was confusing, but nonetheless a life saver.
"I heard what your father did. Those damn brats. They gave you trouble, didn't they?", she asked, referring to the local street gang.
They hated the nobility and specifically me.
My father was the one who caused their parents to lose their jobs afterall.
"They did, but that was some time ago.. Where were you?", I paused, trying to remember, "I heard you'd left. I saw you at the docks and.."
"You saw me? Then why didn't you come ask me for help??", she seemed mad, but I could tell she was only very concerned.
"
What? Did you just decide to give up after your father dumped you on the streets?!", The tears showed through her speech rather than her eyes. I realized I didn't have to explain anything that I'd gone through now, that she didn't already assume out of worry..
I had just gotten back on my feet and she already began assessing my situation. She always acted like this when I was in trouble.. as if she could undo what happened or stop who did this to me; though, someone who didn't know her would think she was only scolding me.
I noticed a few people stop and stare at us in the streets.
I paused out of the discomfort, as well to think things through.
"...Bruce.", was the first image I could recall. Though, to my disgust..
He and his friends were homeless too and so they always bothered me when I was out. That tall boy who always seemed smug when he wasn't getting angry for some reason. He always competed for Katrina's love, and was jealous of my heritage.
"He told me that you were getting married.", I said, remembering back to the time when he had lead me to the docks, "Then he showed me. You were with some nobleman at the docks.. heading away somewhere on a ship. I didn't want to.."
"Interfere? Well then maybe you shouldn't have assumed! I wasn't with that man! He was a client for my father!!", she shouted.
"When I see that Bruce guy, he is gonna pay for this!", she looked around as if searching for him.
"...So you're not getting married?", I asked quietly.
She paused a moment and then turned her head slowly.
"Of course not. Not unless you're about to propose..", she smiled, tilting her head and lightening her anger into sarcasm. She could tell that yelling wasn't going to help at all at this point. Katrina seemed to calm gradually as we stood there for a few moments, not sure what to do.
Then I stepped towards her, smiling, and we held hands in the snow. Both realizing that, for the first time, aside from what had already happened.. we were together again. The blanket dropped from my back, though it was nearly frozen against it before. I wasn't cold anymore either.
"Let's get you back inside where it's warm, okay? I don't want you catching a cold.", she said as she lead me by the hand.
The rest of the way she was too embarrassed to look back at me;
but I could tell she was smiling all the way.
Her Home is Where my Heart is
Though I felt like looking down at the ground as usual, for my deficiency;
I couldn't take my eyes off of her.
Even the back of her head was a relief; a familiar reminder of one of my few happy memories.
As she continued leading me to her house, the feeling that a fiery soul with boundless will had saved me, when mine was gone; it was enough to help me forget that which I had faced these past several months. It was a long way there, but we didn't need words to show how much we cared. Her warm brown hair and red dress had set my heart aflame, just like when I first saw her.
When we got in front she ran up the steps as fast as she could and unlocked the door while I waited. Even then, just the creak of the rickety door hinge made me feel at ease. When I entered, the sound of the fireplace crackling and the distant warmth of it's embers were even more of a relief. When we were both inside she turned to me, and without saying a word, started undoing my scarf's knot and unbuttoning my coat. She was looking down, smiling calmly and taking her time. I watched her nervously, even though we'd known eachother all of this time.. it felt like we were a couple, and that we could finally be together for real. Somehow, I knew.. that all of this trouble had been worth it.
She went to put my things up by the fire, and as hard as I tried, I wouldn't have been able to wipe the smile off of my face.
"Are you hungry or anything?", she called from across the room, attempting to busy herself from being embarrassed by our sentiments.
"Yes..", and for the first time I looked down, for some reason other than feeling worthless. I felt at peace, I felt fine.. I walked into the den to be near her.
"Can I sit here?", I asked, pointing to an armchair.
She nodded as she walked off towards the kitchen, "Of course. You just sit there and I'll get dinner started, okay?"
"But.. I promise I'll do things around the house, or um, isn't there-
She shook her head, "It's fine. After what you've been through you shouldn't worry right now.", she assured me, "Just sit down and we'll discuss it later, when you're feeling better."
I nodded, took a seat.. and then... I must have dozed off.
I had a dream, of when we first met. Well.. actually, when I first saw her.
I would have never had the guts to approach her myself. I couldn't hear a sound or see any color, but I could see those kids from before.. taunting me from the streets. I knew I wasn't allowed to leave back then, but the house only held resentment for me from my father.
My care taker, I knew she loved my father.. but wasn't able to replace mother, I saw her sad eyes in my sleep. Rachel could never marry the duke because she was only a servant. It made me realize how my father's loneliness had hurt us all.
When my father and Rachel had faded from my memory, then I saw...
the most beautiful thing I'd ever laid eyes on.
It was a nice day in Autumn, which now.. the season always cheers me up;
Autumn has a nostalgic place in my heart.
It has a certain feeling to it that I can't describe, yet I can't ever replace. Even the clear skies of summer or the flowers of spring, cannot change the emotions I feel in the Autumn. She was picking apples in her father's orchard, placing them into her apron.. Somehow I'd gotten away from the street urchins, and though she was a commoner, I had never seen a more beautiful woman.
From then on, I saw the days..
The days went by as I was watching her, waiting for something.
Oh, I don't know.. that she would want to meet me; but I knew it would only cause trouble, as a noble would never be permitted to share a commoner's love.
Then one day I did the most foolish, yet best thing I had ever done...
I felt the need to be close to her, so I made up a valentine for her as well.
Then I went to deliver it. I knew she would see it if I could place it in the orchard where she worked. If it was in the mailbox, her father might have found it first..
So that morning I climbed over the fence and found a spot to wedge it, underneath the barrel where she would put the apples in. Then I heard the door open, and I quickly jumped and hid inside the barrel. There was no faster, nor easier way I could hide.
I heard her coming and peered through a hole where the cork would have been.. She'd found my valentine and had started reading it. I anticipated something.. such as a sigh, or laughter.. or the sound of her leaving. Anything... I sat anxiously as I felt it getting warmer and warmer inside of the barrel. Suddenly, the barrel began to tilt, I felt myself fall forward.
Katrina had been leaning her elbow on the front end of the barrel. Unfortunately, I wasn't heavy enough to pull it back.. and toppled out.
That day I was so warm, I was certain I'd been some shade of red...
She laughed at me, and probably knew it was me who had sent the valentine. Though, rather than being rude or disgruntled, she seemed to be awfully amused. I looked hopeful, but embarrassed. We talked for awhile, but I knew I would have to go eventually. That was the last I saw of her, though we felt so close.. Weeks after that, the street gang leader Bruce told me that Katrina was getting married and leaving;
though it seems that was a lie.
By the end of my dream, when each memory had faded..
Katrina still remained.
She remained in my vision until she blurred into a crimson flame, which lingered in the distance.
Her smile.
She will always remain there, I thought.
As the days went by, I spent time recovering and Katrina went on with her usual life.
One day she told me, "It's a lot easier not having to worry about you all the time.";
yet I knew she really meant, "It's more pleasant having you around.".
That was her way of going about things. Though she admitted there were even times when she was mad at me, out of said frustration.. Still, she hadn't known what befell me all of that time.
Not having much to do one day, Katrina brought me a quil pen, ink and papers. She knew I was good at writing. Perhaps she thought I could turn it into a career or a hobby. Being taken care of again, it reminded me of my childhood...
Growing up, my father had neglected me most often. While I'm glad he had servants to tend to me, there was no affection to it most of the time. We had the most beautiful house, I loved the look of that place, down to the very last frill and gold lining.. but I know I couldn't live there anymore, even if I wanted to; that, and the bad memories which were associated with it. The few fond memories were when I was able to rest, or when I was being tutored and when my cousins would come to visit; they were easily the only friends I could have made back then. I was too sick to attend school, and so I looked up to my personal tutor Johan. He was a very nice man but he was foreign and father disliked him.. I never knew if he pronounced his name wrong on purpose or not.
On Sundays I would go to the choir at the church, St. Lumina; with my cousins, and then be taken to spend the rest of the afternoon at their house. I remember playing in their garden. It was maze-like and magical.. well, at least at that age it was. I'm still fond of flowers and architecture though, so it would probably be even better to see it now that it's reminiscent.
You are my Everything
One morning at breakfast I asked, as I was talking about my cousins, "I wonder if I ever returned there someday, if they are all grown up with children by now..?"
"Would I be able to come too, or are commoners forbidden on the noble side, even in that city?", Katrina asked.
I shrugged, "I was only there a few times, I don't know.. I would take you with me anyway. I'm sure they wouldn't mind.. they're not as cold-hearted as most nobles are these days."
"You shouldn't be too sure.. people can change you know.", she warned me, pointing with a spoon.
I sighed, "That's the last thing I need. My past is full of people I can no longer associate with.."
She put her hand on my shoulder, "Hey, don't worry. I know being a commoner is not as fun and all that.. but at least you can trust me. Right? I'd never abandon you."
"I've still got that..", I smirked, turning my eyes away. I knew she cared too much to turn me away, so to lighten the mood I figured I would bother her a bit..
"What's that for?", she asked, stern at first.
"What's what for?", I replied, nonchalantly flipping an upward palm.
"That look! What's that look for?", now she was a bit aggravated.
"..Nothing."
"Are you sure about that?"
"Positively..", I smiled a little.
"Come on... you should be more grateful!"
"Well.. you are the reason I had to leave my father's place."
"What?? No way! How did I do that?", Katrina slammed the kitchen table, more in disbelief than anger.
"..I had to break off a marriage just for you.", I smiled sheepishly. She could tell I didn't care.
"An arranged marriage? Well, you didn't like her, now did you?", she sat back down, eying me.
"Of course not."
"Then...?", she was getting impatient..
"It's okay, I guess. Besides, father was never right..
Now I'm just worried who will rule Remoriah when he's gone."
"You shouldn't worry, it gives you wrinkles.", she said, turning her head and flipping her wrist. She seemed somewhat annoyed.
"What??", my frown was flipped in an instant.
She put her hands up playfully, "Ahaha! It's nothing~ It's just something my dad used to say when I was a kid! I know how you are about your appearance..", she grinned.
"...", I sighed, "So did you want to come along or not?"
"You're really going to see your cousins?"
"Yes, why not? I'm in a time of need.. and I'm sure they're all well to do."
"I hope so. Maybe you should go alone though, just in case.."
"You... want me to go alone?", I asked, as if pleading not to.
"Well, no! But-"
"What if Bruce finds me...?", I pouted, feigning concern. Honestly, it sounded like more of a trick.
"You chicken..! Y-you're kidding, right?"
I closed my eyes and straightened my expression.
"Hm. I don't like chickens... In fact, I really hate them. I had to chase too many of them. It's lousy being poor like them, no wonder those kids are so unhappy.", I started mumbling.
"So.. is
that why you get sick when I fry eggs?"
"I guess so..", I said with false thoughtfulness.
"Oh, open your eyes! You're still like a little boy, do you know that?", I could tell by her voice she was still smiling..
Somehow I knew just the right amount of nuisance to make of myself, so as not to really offend her. So I sat silently, waiting for her to make a decision. Afterall, I knew what it would be..
"Listen, I'm grabbing my jacket. You can leave the plates for now, I'll deal with it when I get back. Come on, let's go see them."
"This early?", I asked, opening up one eye.
"Why not? Aren't they up?"
"I don't know.. we'll see. Though I thought I should send a letter first."
"How polite.. Is that what all nobles do before they visit?", Katrina muttered, walking into the den to get her jacket.
"No, it's just been so long. I wonder if they'll even remember me.", I said, more to myself than into the den where she'd have heard me better.
Needless to say, a few moments later I stood up and went along with her. Katrina put on her hood and jacket and I my coat and scarf; we called on a passing coach and she didn't even mind paying for the ride. Though it was a bit pricey going all the way to the next city.. she sat contently, all the way.
"So... your cousins, what are they like?", she asked.
"Um, they're sisters. April, May and June.."
"Hm, is that some sort of pun?"
"No, they're just.. well, maybe it is. They
are triplets. I don't know their parents that well. Still, it shouldn't be a problem. I just hope they didn't move."
"Nobles with a nice house like that, well.. as nice as you say it is; I don't think they move away unless they get married. Even so, I've seen a lot of them bringing up their kids at their manors. You know.. for the family heritage."
There was a short pause as the coach bumped over a small rock or something. After coming down from the jump, I thought to ask her.. about becoming noble. If my family's relatives would allow me to live amongst them again, would she too enjoy that kind of lifestyle? Would she prefer to stay with her father? I was almost afraid to ask..
"Katrina.."
"What?"
"Um, would you ever...", then I thought.. given her previous statements about nobility, that I should change subjects.
"Ah, nevermind. Look..! We've almost arrived."
"Hey, wait! What were you saying?"
"It's not important right now.. Let's go, shall we?", I gestured her towards the door.
We exited the coach and I found myself in the once familiar city.. Katrina probably had never seen the place, by the way she gawked around. I laughed quietly as she hunched her shoulders like a stray animal adapting to a new home.
She turned and shoved my shoulder lightly, "Knock it off Edward. What's so funny?"
"Hm, now you seem an awful lot like a sister to me..", I said, still smiling.
We continued walking as I lead the way. Though it felt like more of a stroll.
"What? Don't give me that.. Is that how you feel?"
"Not really. Just how you reacted. It's nothing personal!"
"So much for an honest relationship, I don't remember you being so silly back when we first met.. So now, why are you acting so strange?", she asked. Neither one of us seemed serious at this point.
"It's honest..", I muttered, "I don't know why, you make me feel like teasing you sometimes."
"Oh, so now it's something
I'm doing?", she asked, but I could tell from her voice she was smiling again. She was glad that I was able to make a joke or two, even at the expense of my gratitude; it showed what a good mood I was in at least, plus she knew I was only kidding.
"You've got a bad temper.", I smirked, "Nothing like me~", I beamed.
"Ooh, do you wanna see a bad temper??", she laughed, tugging my arm so that I was pulled closely. She wrapped her arms around me tightly so that I couldn't move.
"Now where do you think you're going,
huh? That's not the right way!
Here, let your
big sister show you which direction to
go!", she made her voice sound as ridiculous as she was acting, tugging me around in her arms.
I couldn't help but laugh, but it felt fine because it wasn't as rough as it looked. Though.. more people in town stared and some almost stepped in to stop one of us, until they realized we were laughing. I actually felt, that even though we were in love, that she had made up for my lack of family. She was as fun to be with as a sibling, as nurturing and soothing as a mother and as strong and wily as a father; and... I would have let her hold onto me forever in that moment, if my legs hadn't gave out.
Then I was reminded of why I was always so gloomy and quiet, the fact that my body couldn't handle such high energy as when I was happy or loud for too long. Just as she let go of me for a moment, I lost control and my vision faded.
"Edward?!"
I heard her shout my name again, and so I thought, "I'm going to get used to hearing this...".
By the next morning, sunlight-bathed fields swayed in the wind, and blades of grass sifted through the sky. We stood behind the wooden fence watching airships go by. As I pointed to the airship I heard her voice; but it was muffled, so I turned to her. She was speaking clearly by the way she looked, but I couldn't understand a word of it..
She didn't notice my puzzled expression, so I tried to speak;
"....."
Nothing came out.
Then I realized something,
Where are we?She didn't seem to notice how strange it was, and smiled at me warmly.
I shook my head, looking around. Suddenly the blue sky, all of the clouds, the grass... it all vanished. We stood in total darkness.
What? No, what's.. what's happening?, I turned to her in fear and grabbed onto her shoulders. Even her face began to grow blurred in my vision.. so I stepped back in confusion.
Then I felt myself falling...
"Hey wake up! Stop that!! You're going to--"
*THUD*"Wh-..", I opened my eyes and saw a white ceiling.
The sound of a ceiling fan revolving calmed me to my senses.
Katrina's worried face looked down at me from above, "Edward.. are you okay?"
"Huh? Where did the airships go?"
She smiled, as if she was holding back laughter, "...You idiot, you were dreaming. There's no airships at the hospital!", she paused for a moment, helping me up from the floor.
"Now, relax. You should rest a little more, the doctor said you fainted this morning when we came to the city. Something about overexertion because of excitement or something.."
"Oh..", I looked away in embarrassment.
"Well? Aren't you going to get in bed and stop standing around? I hope you don't have anymore weird dreams about airships, the way you were tossing and turning just scared the heck out of me!"
"Oh right!", I smiled nervously and then climbed back into bed.
